whatever happened to predictability
by soulffles
Summary: Prompts from tumblr unexpectedly come alive to form the most ridiculous collection of nonsense ever. Strap your seatbelts in, folks, this'll be one interesting ride.
1. climb that like a tree

and so we begin with the _real_ sin ship

* * *

 ** _climb that like a tree_**

* * *

Ladybug could feel the bark scrape against her skin, pressing further and further like a hoard of angry needles through the webbing of her suit. Adrien's hands were planted on either side of her face, but one of his legs was _definitely_ treading into unmarked territory, if she could experience pleasure correctly.

She squawked, bringing the hand that wasn't crushed by Adrien's body to her mouth. Pleasure was totally uncalled for at a time like this. Good lord what was wrong with her, someone give her a timeout _immediately_. There was an exceptionally terrible akuma on the loose today and Chat had been MIA for a good 20 minutes so far, not to mention that people were screaming but the only thing she could really concentrate on was _Adrien Adrien Adrien._ His quick wits and slick moves were what really surprised her, though. He practically dove like an Olympic runner to save her from the akuma's fire ray, scooping her up like a miniature pack of flour just to heave her into a tree and unknowingly share his body heat with her. Not that she was complaining, though.

His head was turned, glaring up at the floating entity, grip tightening on a piece of bark. However, Ladybug was still trapped under the weight of his body, something she unfortunately had to spare due to the state of the city.

She reached up and poked his visible cheek. "Thank you. I could've been toast."

Adrien snapped out of his stink-eye fest with the flame-throwing akuma and beamed. "My pleasure. He just grazed your hair." As an example, he held up one of her pigtails. Believe it or not, but the frizzy tip was in fact singed.

"Oh geez, yeah that— that could've been bad. Really bad. Super bad." _Stop talking, Marinette._ "Good thing you were conveniently _right here_ to save me from becoming a _bug_ burger." _Really, Marinette, shut the hell up._

Adrien giggled ( _giggled!_ ) and stepped away from the spotted heroine, to her dismay. "Just looking out for my partner, no biggie." And with that, he was off, whizzing past the crowd and away from a puzzled Ladybug.

(He was back two minutes later, though, staff in hand and spirits at an all-time high the moment his partner shot him a knowing smile.)


	2. i'll keep you my dirty little secret

post-reveal flirting? post-reveal flirting.

* * *

 ** _i'll keep you my dirty little secret_**

* * *

 _"Tell me a secret."_

Marinette crinkled her nose, quizzically examining the bottom of Adrien's chin. "What," she said.

Her boyfriend, in turn, waggled his eyebrows. "Got anything juicy? I'm pretty parched."

She thumped him in the chest and snickered. "Pssh, you betcha. In fact, I'm _really_ a bespeckled heroine, fighting crime with only a yoyo and my _extremely_ impressive quick wits. I'm joined by my leather-clad companion, Chat Noir, as we leap across rooftops and flirt incessantly. Our arch-nemesis is a middle-aged man who acts like a prepubescent child whenever he doesn't get his way. Dubbing himself the name Hawk Moth, he possesses the minds of vulnerable hosts as a means to get to our magical jewels called _Miraculouses_." She scratched her arm, shifting her position on Adrien's lap. "Oh, and we have a mentor called Master Fu. I bake him macaroons all the time. We're super tight."

Adrien narrowed his eyes, hitting Marinette's face straight on with a gust of wind from his nose.

"That was all so very… _informative_ ," he strained out, voice waggishly lowering, "but I was thinking of something more on the lines of—" Slinking his hands down to Marinette's stomach, he grabbed a handful of her shirt and grinned. "—are you ticklish?"

She scoffed, pulling him down by the collar of his shirt. "Why don't you find out for yourself?"

Adrien gulped, but still managed to keep a calm exterior despite the nature of the current situation. He willed his hands to continue their wandering, traveling past the hem of the fabric and onto her skin. "I just might take you up on that offer, Polkadots."


End file.
